Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Coffee Addiction - The Cycle Ends Once Again

This coffee addiction is like the beloved blankie I couldn't part with until I was 13 years old. I loved that blankie so much, it comforted me through my childhood in many ways. At 13, I knew I'd outgrown it but for some reason I just couldn't let it go. Finally one day after building up the courage over many weeks, I acted in bold defiance against the part of myself that wouldn't grow up and I let it go. On the next trash day, I marched out to the curb and threw that blankie in the trash can. With sadness in my heart, I watched my treasured friend get dumped over the side of the truck, getting lost within the rest of people's inconsequential trash. Sure I missed it for awhile, especially at night, but I felt better knowing I had successfully made that right of passage from being a kid to being a teenager.

Today my Coffee Addiction got thrown in the trash.

I woke up a few days ago with a distinct taste of disdain on my tongue and a heavy fatigue throughout my entire body. It's a stage in the cycle of coffee addiction I know quite well after having been through it many times now. After I quitting for 3 months back in July, I started drinking a small cup of 1/2 decaf 1/2 regular again in October after hearing that it was okay on the NB program because coffee is yang. Ideally, Dr. Wilson says not to drink it because overall it is bad for our body, but he said if you have to have one cup you can.

But my mind only heard the first part, that it was okay to have some, and used that as an excuse to go back on it even though I knew with every cell in my being that my adrenals won't heal as quickly if I am drinking it. The self sabotaging part of me is incredibly powerful. I am truly amazed.

Despite my disdain a few days ago, I watched myself get up and make a cup of even stronger coffee than I had been drinking, I actually had 2 cups of it and then buzzed through a blog post and finally ate some food around 10:30am. Of course it felt good to be wired and energized, but this false energy went away and a heavier fatigue set in after the buzz wore off.

After a couple more days of drinking even stronger and stronger doses, 2 days of having a double Americano instead of just brewed at home, my body finally had enough and I was fatigued pretty much all day yesterday. That was the final draw, if I am to have the energy to help people with NB and do all the things I want to do with my website, this addiction has got to stop.

To be fair to myself, it is my last major unhealthy addiction in my life. This is why I'm not beating myself up too much. Getting rid of addictions takes time and patience. I got rid of my addictions to pills, pot, ciggs and alcohol over a 5 year period which I am very proud of. As far as the sugar drug goes, thanks to NB I don't actually have sugar cravings that often anymore and when I do, 1 little piece of chocolate is enough to satisfy. So this coffee is the last drug I use in my life that really gives me a distinct change of state, allows me to escape any discomfort of being tired, and makes me feel really good for awhile.

The thing is that now since I'm doing the Nutritional Balancing , I actually don't need it, overall I feel great and I actually have natural sustained energy a lot of the time. So the coffee drinking is defeating the purpose of this NB program because it's slowing down my healing. In the long run, I am wasting my money if I keep up this addiction because I'll have to keep buying the supplements longer to heal.

So last night, it was decided. I texted my friend who knows all about my coffee addiction and how I want to quit and I said if I drank coffee I would have to give him $25 every time I had some for the whole week. And to my delight, this morning I actually woke up feeling good, brewed some coffee for an enema and did that instead of drinking it. It gave me just the right amount of energy and right after I had some breakfast. This will be my new morning ritual.

I'll have to deal with the discomfort of being tired when those times come; with rest, infrared saunas and coffee enemas. Learning how not to resist being tired is an art and I will be working on it. I'm so grateful that life is supporting me in my healing journey. I'll be prioritizing this time I have to free myself from this final addiction. It's become clear that when I put my health first, everything else falls in place. Life force energy is one of the main ingredients for true happiness in life and I'm determined to reclaim mine.

Astrology note: Today the Sun conjunct Saturn in Scorpio in my 4th house of emotional security.

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