My healing journey up to this point has been rough to say the least. Perhaps I'll go into more details later on in the blog. At this point I'm grateful I made it through the worst without killing myself (2013 was the darkest year and I really wanted give up and die) and I'm in a better place now mentally and spiritually than I've been in my whole life. Through meditation, self inquiry, kundalini yoga and working with the plant medicine Ayahuasca I've successfully managed to free myself from a deep depression which in hindsight was a gift but one I wouldn't wish on anyone. I've also rid myself from addictions to cigarettes, pot, alcohol and coffee although I'm still exhausted and would love a cup of coffee right now! I see clearly now that smoking pot since I was 14 has been one of the main reasons why I've been so messed up spiritually, mentally and physically. I'll blog about this later.
Coffee has been the most difficult addiction to quit, it's literally been the only thing that allows me to be somewhat functional in the world. It helps me feel productive and happy. The problem is that coffee has made my fatigue and bladder infections worse. But without it most of the time I'm so tired I can't do anything. The fatigue has gotten a little better since the depression is gone but I'm still exhausted way too much of the time. There is a cycle to it which is indicative of adrenal fatigue. There will be a few days, maybe even a week where I'm feeling good and energized and can get things done and life is great. Then I'll crash for 3 days to a week. I sleep a lot and won't be able to study, work or really do much because I'm so tired. But I had a job so I had to force myself to work. Up until 3 months ago, I was still drinking coffee so I was able to fake it some of the time and still feel productive. However, using it seemed to make the crashes more severe and more frequent over time. And combining the coffee with eating poorly my bladder infections became more sensitive and more severe. Just one bite of chocolate or a tiny bit of salsa would bring it back. I knew I had to quit drinking it or I would get worse and I started to sense that the C-word wasn't far off. So finally about 3 months ago, the stars aligned and I got the willpower to give quitting coffee another chance (this was the 3rd time quitting, twice before I quit for a month) hoping it would help with my energy and heal my chronic bladder infections. But that alone wasn't enough.
Just for a bit of background, my bladder infections began mid 2010, right around the time I discovered Human Design and was at the peak of my exhaustion. I was just beginning to realize how depressed and lost I was. I was running around trying to keep up with the world, have fun, socialize, make money and find my purpose and do it all as fast as possible. I finally collapsed from a life that wasn't sustainable. Turns out my purpose was to heal. At that time I was in LA and really couldn't stand the city any longer. It was too fast paced, too toxic, too superficial. Although my career in television editing was successful and I was making great money, I was extremely unhappy and unhealthy and needed to make some changes.
A friend's apartment in Laguna beach opened up and at the time I had finished the last reality t.v. show I was working on and was on unemployment that supported me. It was a tiny little shoebox for $500/month and just 2 blocks from the most beautiful beach. It was exactly what I needed to slow down and relax. Right away I met a super sexy guy and immediately had a crush on him. I was successful in seducing him and we had a lot of feel good sex. The bladder infections started right around that time. The problem was we didn't love each other but the sex was so good I couldn't stop. (he had the 59-6 and the 35-36 channels for anyone into Human Design, this explains a lot!) This made the bladder infections get worse. Initially, I went to the doctor for the really bad ones and took cranberry for the more mild ones. The doctors of course only gave me antibiotics which I hate but I still took because I didn't want to get kidney failure and when I'm in that much pain I take the meds. The infections became more frequent. Thankfully D-Mannose came into my life, a supplement that has literally kept me from dying for the last 4 years. I've been taking D-Mannose daily to fend of the constant burning feeling in my bladder. And my addictions to sugar, coffee, carbs, have only fueled the fire. That relationship ended because I moved to Kauai and there's a whole lot more to my healing story but at this point all I want to say is that I've made progress on many issues in my life however I'm extremely frustrated because I'm still tired all the time and I'm still having chronic bladder infections.
I began to research Adrenal Fatigue again last week and came across Dr. Wilson's article on Adrenal Burnout. I had 11 out of the 17 symptoms and knew that had to be my problem. His approach to healing using Nutritional Balancing made perfect sense to me, it made more sense than anything I'd ever read on the topic before. I kept reading for the next few hours and felt more and more resonance to the program. I got a really strong "spleen hit" and decided to spend the money for the hair test. I really wish this had crossed my path years ago.
I found a local practitioner from the list of approved practitioners. We met and we he explained more about the program in detail. He was knowledgeable and answered all my questions. Together we took the hair sample and sent it off to the lab. The results came back last Friday, August 26, 2014. They confirmed what I thought. Not only do I have adrenal burnout but I have double adrenal burnout because I have low Na/K ratio and a four lows pattern. As I learned more about the test results, the urgency for me to heal became even more critical because I now have a test confirming my rapidly declining health and imminent death if I don't change something. My practitioner went over the diet and protocol with me and gave me the list of supplements I needed to order. This plan was reviewed and approved by Dr. Wilson. I immediately started on the diet, first meal was a big bowl of broccoli with butter and salt and 2 poached eggs. I ordered the supplements and the enema bag for the coffee enemas and plan on building myself a near infared sauna next week. I'm going all the way baby!
My goal is to regain my energy and strength back. I want my life back damnit! I want to have a business as an astrologer (and maybe Nutritional Balancing coach) and be able to schedule appointments with people and not have to cancel because I'm too tired. I want to be motivated and inspired to create again. I'm so done with this fatigue and am at the point where spending $160/month on supplements is worth it if it will give me my energy back. Right now I'm on unemployment and have some side work to supplement my income. I'm not sure what will happen when unemployment runs out but I have learned from the past 5 years that the universe will support me in my healing journey because it is my purpose. I can postpone the new wardrobe I desperately want. I can give up some luxuries and eating out so I can afford organic food. I am willing to commit to the long haul, giving up sweets and carbs as best I can because if I've learned anything from being tired for so many years it's that Energy is Everything!!