Coffee Addiction - The Cycle Ends Once Again

This coffee addiction is like the beloved blankie I couldn't part with until I was 13 years old. I loved that blankie so much, it comforted me through my childhood in many ways. At 13, I knew I'd outgrown it but for some reason I just couldn't let it go. Finally one day after building up the courage over many weeks, I acted in bold defiance against the part of myself that wouldn't grow up and I let it go. On the next trash day, I marched out to the curb and threw that blankie in the trash can. With sadness in my heart, I watched my treasured friend get dumped over the side of the truck, getting lost within the rest of people's inconsequential trash. Sure I missed it for awhile, especially at night, but I felt better knowing I had successfully made that right of passage from being a kid to being a teenager.

Today my Coffee Addiction got thrown in the trash.

I woke up a few days ago with a distinct taste of disdain on my tongue and a heavy fatigue throughout my entire body. It's a stage in the cycle of coffee addiction I know quite well after having been through it many times now. After I quitting for 3 months back in July, I started drinking a small cup of 1/2 decaf 1/2 regular again in October after hearing that it was okay on the NB program because coffee is yang. Ideally, Dr. Wilson says not to drink it because overall it is bad for our body, but he said if you have to have one cup you can.

But my mind only heard the first part, that it was okay to have some, and used that as an excuse to go back on it even though I knew with every cell in my being that my adrenals won't heal as quickly if I am drinking it. The self sabotaging part of me is incredibly powerful. I am truly amazed.

Despite my disdain a few days ago, I watched myself get up and make a cup of even stronger coffee than I had been drinking, I actually had 2 cups of it and then buzzed through a blog post and finally ate some food around 10:30am. Of course it felt good to be wired and energized, but this false energy went away and a heavier fatigue set in after the buzz wore off.

After a couple more days of drinking even stronger and stronger doses, 2 days of having a double Americano instead of just brewed at home, my body finally had enough and I was fatigued pretty much all day yesterday. That was the final draw, if I am to have the energy to help people with NB and do all the things I want to do with my website, this addiction has got to stop.

To be fair to myself, it is my last major unhealthy addiction in my life. This is why I'm not beating myself up too much. Getting rid of addictions takes time and patience. I got rid of my addictions to pills, pot, ciggs and alcohol over a 5 year period which I am very proud of. As far as the sugar drug goes, thanks to NB I don't actually have sugar cravings that often anymore and when I do, 1 little piece of chocolate is enough to satisfy. So this coffee is the last drug I use in my life that really gives me a distinct change of state, allows me to escape any discomfort of being tired, and makes me feel really good for awhile.

The thing is that now since I'm doing the Nutritional Balancing , I actually don't need it, overall I feel great and I actually have natural sustained energy a lot of the time. So the coffee drinking is defeating the purpose of this NB program because it's slowing down my healing. In the long run, I am wasting my money if I keep up this addiction because I'll have to keep buying the supplements longer to heal.

So last night, it was decided. I texted my friend who knows all about my coffee addiction and how I want to quit and I said if I drank coffee I would have to give him $25 every time I had some for the whole week. And to my delight, this morning I actually woke up feeling good, brewed some coffee for an enema and did that instead of drinking it. It gave me just the right amount of energy and right after I had some breakfast. This will be my new morning ritual.

I'll have to deal with the discomfort of being tired when those times come; with rest, infrared saunas and coffee enemas. Learning how not to resist being tired is an art and I will be working on it. I'm so grateful that life is supporting me in my healing journey. I'll be prioritizing this time I have to free myself from this final addiction. It's become clear that when I put my health first, everything else falls in place. Life force energy is one of the main ingredients for true happiness in life and I'm determined to reclaim mine.

Astrology note: Today the Sun conjunct Saturn in Scorpio in my 4th house of emotional security.

9 week Update - Sardines, Saunas, Syncing with the Moon and Using Reflexology

Is it strange that my idea of fun is building a sauna in my bathroom and seeing how much I can sweat? Well, that's what I consider fun these days. Whohoo!

I'm going on the 9th week of the NB program and overall I'm feeling so much better than before I started. There are definitely some days where I'm tired but it isn't nearly as severe as it was before I changed my diet and started the supplements. There is much less resistance when I do have tired days because I now have the awareness that my body and adrenals need to be in resting mode in order to heal. As I look back through my journals before I started this program I notice the crash pattern was much more severe than it is now and I never had days of sustained energy throughout the entire day like I do now. Before, I would have a few days of good energy and then up to a week of major fatigue. Now I have many days of good energy and then a couple days of fatigue but it isn't extreme. I have been working a few days a week doing some light manual labor (basically sitting down in a chair and using scissors to trim plants) and I have been able to go all day for a couple days without getting tired and this is huge progress!

My cravings for sugar and carbs are almost completely gone. I have been having gluten free waffles and gluten free toast with butter a few times a week for when I do crave carbs. I also have a little bit of raw sugar in my coffee in the morning. After dinner I usually get a slight sweet tooth but nothing like before I started the program. And I can definitely resist it most often. Occasionally I'll have a bite of sugar free chocolate but mostly I can get through the night without having any sweets. It took me a minute to realize this as I was writing this post but this is also huge progress! Wow I'm amazed at this myself.

There has been a constant slight body odor coming out of me and constant soreness in my hip flexor area. I see these things as positive because it means I am detoxing. I've been doing coffee enemas about 4 times a week and now I've started a sauna routine (see next post) in my bathroom in the evenings. Also, my feet are sore and I've been doing some foot reflexology. My feet have been sore in the duodenum and kidney areas. Rubbing these areas feels really good. If you push on your feet and you're sore in a specific area, you can use this chart to find out what part of the body it corresponds to.

My challenges remain the coffee addiction and eating more cooked veggies. I have been waking up tired and of course coffee is the first thing I think of. I just watched this podcast about Adrenal Fatigue and Pam Kileen talked about how drinking coffee won't allow the adrenals to heal. Duh! I totally know this instinctually but it's a powerful addiction that just won't let go. It makes perfect common sense and I really don't understand why Dr. Wilson and my practitioner told me 1 cup of coffee a day is okay when I'm in a four lows pattern. My mind used that as an excuse to start back up and now here I am back in the addiction. The reason they say this is because coffee is yang but I don't think that means it's good for everyone, especially people who's adrenal's are shot. 

Staying in witness consciousness watching myself play out the addiction loop once again. The difference this time is that I'm not beating myself up about it, I trust in the process. I also don't crave it later in the day like I used to, it's just in the morning. I'm holding the vision of my life without coffee strong in my mind and I know I'll be able to get there once again. My ideal routine is to wake up and do a sadhna practice first thing,  then after that I want to eat breakfast and do a Coffee Enema. Right now I am drinking coffee first thing and then eating breakfast and then meditation with a coffee enema.

In January I'll be going to a 12 day Ayahuasca retreat at the Temple of the Way of Light. This will be just the thing to get me back on a more healthy routine. In order to prepare for the trip, you have to cut out coffee, sugar, salt, pork, sex and masturbation and a few other things for a week or two. When I come back I will be caffeine free once and for all. In the meantime, I'm enjoying this damn coffee!

I finally tried Sardines and they're actually pretty good. Dr. Wilson has this great article about why Sardines are one of the best foods you can eat today. They're packed with Vitamin D, Omega 3s and Selenium, protein, and minerals. Selenium is a very important mineral which is crucial for our mental and spiritual development. I made a Sardine salad (which is kind of like tuna salad) that was recommended to me on FB. I ate it with blue chips and it was a delicious and filling snack.

Oh and I'm all synced up with the moon already. Cool! Last month the blood moon caused my period to come early and come super heavy. This month it synced me up with the full moon. This is a common benefit of being on the program for women.

On November 6th, the full moon in Taurus in my 10th house of career indicated a culmination of something. Well I finished my NB Practitioner's training exactly on that day and sent in my tests to Dr. Wilson. As long as I got 90% on all three tests, I'll be getting my diploma in about 2 weeks! Then I'll be paired up with an seasoned practitioner as a mentor for my advanced training. I'm so excited to start helping my friends and family get hair tests and start on a program. I already have at least 10 people interested. I have so much to learn about NB science, analyzing hair tests, and running a business and I'm ready for the challenge. Whohoo!