Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Adrenal Fatigue Healing Vlog #4: Emotional Retracing and Childhood Trauma

When one is on a Nutritional Balancing program, the body will go through something called retracing. The concept of retracing is that when our body starts to get everything it needs in the form of minerals, diet and detox protocols, it begins to heal itself. All the current and old issues in the body get addressed layer by layer. In retracing, the body will systematically go through the body and heal any old infections, injuries, physical and emotional traumas. However, in order for these things to be healed, they must first resurface, sometimes even stronger than the first time. This is a blog about the recent emotional retracing I just experienced.

This is very similar to the concept I'm learning from my teacher, Devaji. In the spiritual enlightenment game, we call it burning. When we see an old pattern surface, by bearing witness to it with the light and love of consciousness it begins to burn. And what is it burning? It's burning away the false constructs that keep us blocked from seeing reality as it is; a beautiful, luminous, love drenched reflection of our own perfect SELF.

As Devaji says, nothing new happens in the reflection we call our life. It may come in different costumes, but it's never new. Devaji teaches that everything that is painful in our dream is just cycled around for us to bring the light of awareness too it so we can set it free. Every situation that triggers us in anyway is a potential opportunity to bring the light of consciousness to it. When we see that the feeling is old and familiar and just be with it, not trying to change it, the more it will be seen through as just a construct which is blocking our view of the pure beauty and light of reality. Every single thing in our dream is designed to carry us home, there are no exceptions to this rule.

These past few days what cycled around for me was the chaos and sadness from my childhood. (Chiron is exactly opposite my natal Venus)

My roommate came into my room a few days ago and told me she’s going to get her son, who’s 18 years old, relapsing on heroine and is struggling to keep it together. He lives about 4 hours away. She found a Christian based program for young adult addicts, that's a year long and is totally free, but it takes a few months to get processed and get placed. In the meantime he may need to stay here.

She's been in a pattern of rescuing him as best she can for a few years now. A pattern she can't seem to break. It's depleted her enormously but she's handling it like a champ. There’s been a back and forth over the last few months of him being kind of okay using the Suboxone to stave off his addiction, and then everything falling apart and him losing control again. There's an urgency of getting out of the place he''s living because there’s danger; maybe he owes someone drug money. There were people pounding on his door one night, we're not sure what kind of trouble he's in but it sounds scary.  

She was going to bring him back here and said he'd have to go cold turkey. The idea of having him detoxing here made me really uncomfortable. Being familiar with drug addiction I know how difficult it is to stop, and although not from personal experience, I can imagine withdrawals from heroine are intense. It seems too much for her to handle on her own, he needs professional help.

This chaotic situation in my "dream"; the uncertainty of his fragile future, the unbearable sadness of drug addiction to begin with, feeling the familiar darkness that he must be swimming in, all came flooding into my system. I went to the Public Satsang with Devaji that day, by the end of it, the emotions had bubbled to the surface. I had a good cry to release the energy while grocery shopping and after in my car.

Later I came home and called Devaji to ask him for support around this. He asked me if this feeling of chaos was present in my childhood. Absolutely it was, but not in such an obvious way. I was raised in a typical American family that shoves the uncomfortable things under the rug and acts like everything is just fine. If you asked my sister she still claims we had a glorious childhood and our parents were nearly perfect. Even though she's the Projector and she probably absorbed just as much or more than I did. Unfortunately, she's still numbed to it all and is living life as if everything is still "fine".

My parents in their defence were good, loving parents. An outsider looking in probably would've seen our family as a healthy one. But here's the blessed curse of being Plutonian in the deepest way (Pluto conjunct Sun and Rahu). I knew from coming out of the shoot, everything wasn't fine! My parents went through the most traumatic thing anyone can possibly imagine. They lost their 1st child in a tragic accident. He was only 3 years old. Playing superman with a friend at a neighbors house, his cape got too close to the furnace and caught on fire. Not knowing what to do he ran home for Mommy. And my poor Mom. Can you imagine coming outside to see your 3 year old on fire. She had to roll him on the grass to put the fire out. After being rushed to the hospital with 3rd degree burns all over his body, he slipped into a coma. After a month of uncertainty of his fate, a nurse accidentally stuck the tracheotomy tube down the wrong hole and it killed him. This story is like every parent's worst nightmare. They went through marriage counseling and mourned his loss. But my Dad didn't get the chance to really process this event and his broken heart was never fully mended. He didn't know how to express his emotions and they seethed inside him manifesting in eventual cancer.

After a tragedy like that, everything isn't fine! About 6 months after the tragedy happened, my Mom was pregnant with me. The strong undercurrent of sadness seeping through the amniotic fluid while I was in the womb. And I came into the world with my bright light ready to shine. There was an immediate projection from them that I would transform this sadness and be the brightest starAnd try as I did, unconsciously thinking it was my job to make everyone feel better with my Open Emotional Center, I couldn't take on something this big. Taking this task on as a child feels like a big cause for my Adrenal Fatigue that I'm still healing today at 38 years old.

Even my friggin name, Trista, in Latin it means "One who had a sorrow all her own until she smiled." But eventually just my smile couldn't erase the pain. Living in this soup of sadness, confusion and the helplessness of being able to heal my parents pain came up for review a few days ago. Triggered by the situation with my roommate and her son. This feeling of helplessness to be able to do anything about it is the crushing part. The fatigue in the body is a painful gift which reminds me of the truth of the situation. It's not my job to fix anyone or make the bad feelings go away. All I can do is be with this and trust that God knows exactly what he's doing. Her son will find salvation no matter what happens.

Devaji in his divine wisdom gave me the guidance to just hold a space of love and stillness for these old familiar emotions to pass through. And so that's what I did, and they passed. Letting go a little more as life continues teaching me how to live it. Accepting these uncomfortable emotions is all part of the play. Contrary to what I might have wanted it to be, life isn't just a bowl of cherries. The sweetness isn't just in the happy times. There is incredible wisdom in the darkness if we can sit with it long enough. That I am designed to be a servant of darkness is becoming more apparent.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

He Loves me Free

Written after our meeting yesterday...and it happens to be Valentines day.

Your Pure love has come
to carry me home
it's a gift from heaven
a cradle from the divine
the missing piece
i didn't even know i needed

you penetrate deeper this time
with the gaze of eternity
something softens
allowing currents of warmth and tenderness
to slowly melt this fortress of protection

this pure love
never known before
shatters the mind

in our silence, I begin to feel you
its not from something i did
or what i said
or what i can do for you
you really do
Love me True

the trust grows
a knowing deep inside whispers
lean in sweet girl
into this one True thing
fall in my love
and discover your SELF
that which you deeply long for

with your unconditional Love to guide the way
freedom is assured
Thank you Devaji

Friday, January 22, 2016

Anger Management Activities that Work

I want to share with you one of my favorite free anger management activities that actually works. It's called Fists of Anger and it only takes 3 minutes. It works powerfully to transform anger, anxiety, frustration and grief into tranquility.

This morning I woke up super tired again (it's been about 3 weeks of this) with a detox headache. Over the course of the morning I could feel some strong emotions bubbling to the surface. With my 2nd coffee enema, I asked the spirits of the water and coffee plant for help releasing what was no longer serving me. It seemed to have worked because when I got in the shower, a spontaneous scream came out of my mouth and I started to cry pretty hard. It was a huge release and it felt good to let it go. There's been a lot of emotion around feeling like my throat chakra is blocked and I can't express myself the way I want to. 

After the shower I immediately sat down on my yoga mat to do fists of anger. In the middle of it I got up and grabbed my computer inspired to make this video. I hope this free anger management technique helps you as much has it has helped me. Keep an open mind and get into it, you won't be disappointed!

Kundalini yoga has been an incredible healing tool for me. It works to clear out the subconscious patterns that keep us stuck in negative thinking and habits that don't serve us. If you're suffering from depression, stress, anxiety, or just feel stuck, you may want to check out his powerful tool. 

For the best Kundalini yoga classes, check out my teacher Jai Dev Singh's online academy. It's only $1 to try for the 1st month. 

Kundalini Yoga is the science, art and technology that enables one to access and utilize his or her own creative power for elevation of consciousness, healing and other purposes beyond reproduction.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

1st Step to True Healing

You may ask.,"How long will I need to be on this (thyroid, hormone, blood-pressure, anti depressant) medication doctor?"

and the Doctor will say, "Well, it's possible you'll need to take it for the rest of your life."

This is your sign to run away as fast as possible and find a new doctor or go to your nearest Nutritional Balancing practitioner. The human body is capable of healing itself when you give it what it needs and anyone who thinks otherwise is simply brainwashed and living in the old paradigm.

The 1st step needed to activate this self healing mechanism is your active participation and heart felt intention to make the necessary changes; emotional, physical and spiritual. Admit that you're willing to change, get on your knees and pray for guidance, and trust you will be lead to the people and things that will help heal you.

There's no such thing as a magic pill, a treatment, or an experience that will completely heal you 100% so you can get back to your "normal" routine. Your health crisis is designed to completely change your whole perspective on life. I had to learn this the hard way. It's been 6 years since I started down this road to true happiness and vitality and I'm finally understanding that the journey is never really going to end. As frustrated as it becomes, I'll be forever grateful for this adrenal fatigue for slowing me down enough to turn within. It'd be nice to have more energy and I will but the point is when I'm slowed down I have to face myself and my fears and this is where the greatest growth has happened.

The sooner we can grasp that our healing journey IS our purpose and that healing won't happen overnight, the more we can relax into each day and accept it as it comes, knowing that we are being divinely guided towards more wisdom, true joy, radiant health and inner happiness.

Surrender, Trust, and Love are the big 3 ingredients needed to heal our spirit before any technique, supplement, medicine or therapy can heal our bodies.

Inhale Love, Exhale Relax.
The mantra of a this Adrenal Fatigue Warrior

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Adrenal Fatigue Healing Vlog: #1: Detox Blues, Ayahuasca, Healing as ...

An honest update from the adrenal fatigue healing trenches. I'm 9 months into the Nutritional Balancing Program and it's been a very difficult last few months as I am going through a serious heavy metal detox, extreme fatigue, depression, brain fog, gas, spaciness, dandruff, and emptiness. The good news is that I'm dumping heavy metals and parasites. Somehow I managed to pull it together enough to make this jumbled vlog (honestly I cheated and had a double Americano this morning) where I share a little about my adrenal fatigue and depression story and background, how I used the plant medicine Ayahuasca for healing depression and drug addictions, and then discuss how my debilitating adrenal fatigue has fueled a deep spiritual journey into the ultimate self inquiry, "Who am I?"

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Heavy detox brings me to a screeching halt...

Contraction. I woke up this morning thinking a sauna session might bring me some energy but it did the opposite. I laid back down after my 40 min sweat and ended up falling asleep for another 5 hours after already getting 10 hours of sleep last night. This body and mind are weak, so weak today that all I could do is sleep and lay in bed breathing, meditating, sleeping and practicing just being. No type of stimulation, not even music is enticing in this empty space of contraction and healing that pervades my existence for most of the day.

Over the past 3 weeks there's been a gradual increase of exhaustion and today was the pinnacle. Hopefully it won't get worse but who knows. The healing reaction started when I got rid of the parasite, that bastard Rope Worm that was in me for 10 friggin years! Oh what a glorious day that was. Truly a celebration and landmark for the dedication I've had to my healing process. And what I didn't realize was that it was also a signal that meant my body had enough energy to get rid of other things too, and more detox was on the horizon.

Previous to getting rid of the parasite I had been flying high for about a month with some of the most beautiful energy and inspiration I've ever experienced in my life. Feeling alive and passionate, I made 4 videos for youtube and added many pages to my website, met with friends, frolicked in nature and cooked amazing meals. I had conveniently forgotten what I had learned, that when you're on an Nutritional Balancing program, especially in the first couple of years, you can be sure that a rise in energy is to be followed by a detox. It's a common pattern that everyone goes through. It actually makes sense when you think about it. When a depleted body gets some energy, that energy will be prioritized by the body and used for some deep healing. And unfortunately these healing reactions or detoxes can go on for weeks or months, so all we can do is ride it out. Luckily my detox symptoms aren't too bad, other than fatigue it's been sore feet and slight headaches on occasion. Detox symptoms can get much worse as I've read about in the FB forums. I just sent my hair in for my 3rd test, hoping it shows some heavy metal dumping.

When I'm this exhausted, there's no resisting. I have no choice, I must stop, be still and let the body heal. The mind is shut down, trying to get anything done is a joke. Even attempting to text someone is a huge task. Whereas before I would be not only exhausted but also depressed that I was exhausted, now I surrender to this cycle with a little more grace, knowing that because I'm giving my body the nutrition and minerals it needs and doing the detox program that this exhaustion is actually a good thing and I can trust that I will be stronger when it's over.

I imagine my precious cells with little hard hats on, wiping the sweat from their brows as they work diligently to sweep away the heavy metals and toxins that are keeping my body/mind from functioning at a an optimal level. As I lay in bed, half awake, all I can do is honor them by placing my hand on my heart and the other one in my belly sending myself love, bringing in light and thanking my body for everything it does for me.

These phases of contraction are familiar to me after having lived with adrenal fatigue for so long. I know that with every contraction a beautiful expansion is also soon to come. It's taken me many years not to resist this fatigue, I no longer shove stimulants down my throat in an attempt to stay productive. Even though I know better by now, the same old tape plays in my head as I sleep the day away. It's funneling into me from a deeply conditioned collective consciousness. In a nutshell it says, "If you're not doing, you're not worthy!" This is BS and me healing my body and learning to just be is the best gift I can give this planet.

I'm so thankful and grateful that I am supported by the universe in this healing journey. Won't you join me in your journey back to radiant health? 


Friday, March 27, 2015

More Adventures in Coffee Enemas - 7 months on NB

I've been in Nutritional Balancing now for 7 months, wow how time flies. Honestly, I'm feeling better than ever! My heart is open and I'm full of love of life. I'm dancing more, socializing and getting back in touch with my creativity and passion. My Natural Body Detox with Nutritional Balancing website and business are growing and I'm having a lot of fun gathering and sharing this information.  I'm so excited to help people with this amazing science and I have no doubt that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm so grateful!

I've noticed I can handle any social situation without even thinking about drinking or smoking because those things actually take me out of my natural high.

Of course I still go through phases of exhaustion when I'm having a detox. Usually they last about 2 or 3 days at most. My detox symptoms so far have been fatigue, headaches, sore feet, stinky sweat, sore hip flexors, tender breasts (more than just PMS) and I've also been having some lower back pain which I believe is associated with my Kundalini energy because whenever it hurts and I sit down to do silent meditation, my body begins to rock back and forth by itself.

Whenever I'm going through a heavy detox, I usually increase the Coffee Enemas to 3 or 4 per day using about 4 Tbslp of coffee. Most of the time this really helps because it clears out the toxins from my body. Occasionally no amount of coffee enemas are going to help with my adrenal fatigue and I just have to surrender and call it a day. Now that I know my fatigue is a sign that my body is getting rid of toxins, it's a little easier to surrender to it.

One day last week I woke up super exhausted and thought to myself "well I'm probably not going to get anything done today, I might as well relax." And instead of doing the coffee enema first thing in the morning, I just took it easy and slept in some more. Around 1pm in the afternoon I decided to give one a try and I'm so glad I did. I immediately felt better and by the 2nd one I felt like I was back to my energetic happy self again.

I love Coffee Enemas so much I made a couple How To Videos and posted them on youtube. If you want to show your love please hit the thumbs up to like the video and if you're really brave then make a comment.

PART 1: Coffee Enema Recipe
This is the basic coffee enema recipe where you boil the coffee for 13 minutes to allow all the nutrients and active ingredients to leech into the water. 

PART 2: Putting the Coffee Enema in your Bum!
Here's where I demonstrate how to use the enema bag, setting up a place for your enema, what to do during the enema and how to clean up after you're done. 

Don't be shy, give it a try!
Thanks for joining me on your journey back to Radiant Health!