Coffee Addiction - The Cycle Ends Once Again

This coffee addiction is like the beloved blankie I couldn't part with until I was 13 years old. I loved that blankie so much, it comforted me through my childhood in many ways. At 13, I knew I'd outgrown it but for some reason I just couldn't let it go. Finally one day after building up the courage over many weeks, I acted in bold defiance against the part of myself that wouldn't grow up and I let it go. On the next trash day, I marched out to the curb and threw that blankie in the trash can. With sadness in my heart, I watched my treasured friend get dumped over the side of the truck, getting lost within the rest of people's inconsequential trash. Sure I missed it for awhile, especially at night, but I felt better knowing I had successfully made that right of passage from being a kid to being a teenager.

Today my Coffee Addiction got thrown in the trash.

I woke up a few days ago with a distinct taste of disdain on my tongue and a heavy fatigue throughout my entire body. It's a stage in the cycle of coffee addiction I know quite well after having been through it many times now. After I quitting for 3 months back in July, I started drinking a small cup of 1/2 decaf 1/2 regular again in October after hearing that it was okay on the NB program because coffee is yang. Ideally, Dr. Wilson says not to drink it because overall it is bad for our body, but he said if you have to have one cup you can.

But my mind only heard the first part, that it was okay to have some, and used that as an excuse to go back on it even though I knew with every cell in my being that my adrenals won't heal as quickly if I am drinking it. The self sabotaging part of me is incredibly powerful. I am truly amazed.

Despite my disdain a few days ago, I watched myself get up and make a cup of even stronger coffee than I had been drinking, I actually had 2 cups of it and then buzzed through a blog post and finally ate some food around 10:30am. Of course it felt good to be wired and energized, but this false energy went away and a heavier fatigue set in after the buzz wore off.

After a couple more days of drinking even stronger and stronger doses, 2 days of having a double Americano instead of just brewed at home, my body finally had enough and I was fatigued pretty much all day yesterday. That was the final draw, if I am to have the energy to help people with NB and do all the things I want to do with my website, this addiction has got to stop.

To be fair to myself, it is my last major unhealthy addiction in my life. This is why I'm not beating myself up too much. Getting rid of addictions takes time and patience. I got rid of my addictions to pills, pot, ciggs and alcohol over a 5 year period which I am very proud of. As far as the sugar drug goes, thanks to NB I don't actually have sugar cravings that often anymore and when I do, 1 little piece of chocolate is enough to satisfy. So this coffee is the last drug I use in my life that really gives me a distinct change of state, allows me to escape any discomfort of being tired, and makes me feel really good for awhile.

The thing is that now since I'm doing the Nutritional Balancing , I actually don't need it, overall I feel great and I actually have natural sustained energy a lot of the time. So the coffee drinking is defeating the purpose of this NB program because it's slowing down my healing. In the long run, I am wasting my money if I keep up this addiction because I'll have to keep buying the supplements longer to heal.

So last night, it was decided. I texted my friend who knows all about my coffee addiction and how I want to quit and I said if I drank coffee I would have to give him $25 every time I had some for the whole week. And to my delight, this morning I actually woke up feeling good, brewed some coffee for an enema and did that instead of drinking it. It gave me just the right amount of energy and right after I had some breakfast. This will be my new morning ritual.

I'll have to deal with the discomfort of being tired when those times come; with rest, infrared saunas and coffee enemas. Learning how not to resist being tired is an art and I will be working on it. I'm so grateful that life is supporting me in my healing journey. I'll be prioritizing this time I have to free myself from this final addiction. It's become clear that when I put my health first, everything else falls in place. Life force energy is one of the main ingredients for true happiness in life and I'm determined to reclaim mine.

Astrology note: Today the Sun conjunct Saturn in Scorpio in my 4th house of emotional security.

9 week Update - Sardines, Saunas, Syncing with the Moon and Using Reflexology

Is it strange that my idea of fun is building a sauna in my bathroom and seeing how much I can sweat? Well, that's what I consider fun these days. Whohoo!

I'm going on the 9th week of the NB program and overall I'm feeling so much better than before I started. There are definitely some days where I'm tired but it isn't nearly as severe as it was before I changed my diet and started the supplements. There is much less resistance when I do have tired days because I now have the awareness that my body and adrenals need to be in resting mode in order to heal. As I look back through my journals before I started this program I notice the crash pattern was much more severe than it is now and I never had days of sustained energy throughout the entire day like I do now. Before, I would have a few days of good energy and then up to a week of major fatigue. Now I have many days of good energy and then a couple days of fatigue but it isn't extreme. I have been working a few days a week doing some light manual labor (basically sitting down in a chair and using scissors to trim plants) and I have been able to go all day for a couple days without getting tired and this is huge progress!

My cravings for sugar and carbs are almost completely gone. I have been having gluten free waffles and gluten free toast with butter a few times a week for when I do crave carbs. I also have a little bit of raw sugar in my coffee in the morning. After dinner I usually get a slight sweet tooth but nothing like before I started the program. And I can definitely resist it most often. Occasionally I'll have a bite of sugar free chocolate but mostly I can get through the night without having any sweets. It took me a minute to realize this as I was writing this post but this is also huge progress! Wow I'm amazed at this myself.

There has been a constant slight body odor coming out of me and constant soreness in my hip flexor area. I see these things as positive because it means I am detoxing. I've been doing coffee enemas about 4 times a week and now I've started a sauna routine (see next post) in my bathroom in the evenings. Also, my feet are sore and I've been doing some foot reflexology. My feet have been sore in the duodenum and kidney areas. Rubbing these areas feels really good. If you push on your feet and you're sore in a specific area, you can use this chart to find out what part of the body it corresponds to.

My challenges remain the coffee addiction and eating more cooked veggies. I have been waking up tired and of course coffee is the first thing I think of. I just watched this podcast about Adrenal Fatigue and Pam Kileen talked about how drinking coffee won't allow the adrenals to heal. Duh! I totally know this instinctually but it's a powerful addiction that just won't let go. It makes perfect common sense and I really don't understand why Dr. Wilson and my practitioner told me 1 cup of coffee a day is okay when I'm in a four lows pattern. My mind used that as an excuse to start back up and now here I am back in the addiction. The reason they say this is because coffee is yang but I don't think that means it's good for everyone, especially people who's adrenal's are shot. 

Staying in witness consciousness watching myself play out the addiction loop once again. The difference this time is that I'm not beating myself up about it, I trust in the process. I also don't crave it later in the day like I used to, it's just in the morning. I'm holding the vision of my life without coffee strong in my mind and I know I'll be able to get there once again. My ideal routine is to wake up and do a sadhna practice first thing,  then after that I want to eat breakfast and do a Coffee Enema. Right now I am drinking coffee first thing and then eating breakfast and then meditation with a coffee enema.

In January I'll be going to a 12 day Ayahuasca retreat at the Temple of the Way of Light. This will be just the thing to get me back on a more healthy routine. In order to prepare for the trip, you have to cut out coffee, sugar, salt, pork, sex and masturbation and a few other things for a week or two. When I come back I will be caffeine free once and for all. In the meantime, I'm enjoying this damn coffee!

I finally tried Sardines and they're actually pretty good. Dr. Wilson has this great article about why Sardines are one of the best foods you can eat today. They're packed with Vitamin D, Omega 3s and Selenium, protein, and minerals. Selenium is a very important mineral which is crucial for our mental and spiritual development. I made a Sardine salad (which is kind of like tuna salad) that was recommended to me on FB. I ate it with blue chips and it was a delicious and filling snack.

Oh and I'm all synced up with the moon already. Cool! Last month the blood moon caused my period to come early and come super heavy. This month it synced me up with the full moon. This is a common benefit of being on the program for women.

On November 6th, the full moon in Taurus in my 10th house of career indicated a culmination of something. Well I finished my NB Practitioner's training exactly on that day and sent in my tests to Dr. Wilson. As long as I got 90% on all three tests, I'll be getting my diploma in about 2 weeks! Then I'll be paired up with an seasoned practitioner as a mentor for my advanced training. I'm so excited to start helping my friends and family get hair tests and start on a program. I already have at least 10 people interested. I have so much to learn about NB science, analyzing hair tests, and running a business and I'm ready for the challenge. Whohoo!

Carrot Juice and Crazy Dreams

For many years I haven't really dreamed all that much, or at least I haven't remembered many dreams. Since I started the supplements I've been remembering my dreams almost every night and they're getting more interesting. Like last night I had a magical dream where I was flying around a floating land, it looked kind of like in the movie Avatar when Jake climbs up the floating chunks of mountain to bond with a banshee. It was lush and green and I was flying from castle to castle except without a banshee.

Two nights ago, I had a violent dream where an old boss I had in real life and I were on a date. He got wasted and I was driving us home in my car, we stopped in some parking lot and he wanted to make out. I wasn't feeling it and he got really mad and then pulled out a knife and tried to slit my throat. I got out and ran away from my car. (See my next post for my deeper interpretation about this dream. Thanks Sarah B for inspiring it.)

The next dream that night, I was in a bar with a couple of old friends. They were a lesbian couple and one of them was pregnant. She was chugging beers. I began to suggest to them how important it was that the baby got proper nutrition and they both just shrugged it off and kept drinking. I started to cry and felt so sorry for them and the baby. Then I left.

During my coffee enema the next morning I had a good cry. It felt like I was releasing some of the frustration I have with with world right now, a feeling I'm very familiar with (Gate 47). It didn't help that right before bed I watched The Gerson Miracle documentary on netflix. It really drilled home how many toxins we are bombarded with everywhere, everyday. The narrator explained it like this, "Avoiding toxins is like dodging bullets, in a hail of gunfire from multiple machine guns." Aiyo! We're screwed.

It's something I've been reading about and becoming more aware of lately. I think there's been a building sense of responsibility that it's my job to somehow save people from themselves and the toxicity we're swimming in. The weight of it was getting heavy. It was nice to cry it out.

Then I read in my NB book that violent dreams are a common detox symptom too so that explains the throat slitting one.

Now that I have such an amazing tool like NB, I want to help everyone with it. I realize there's not much I can really do except improve and detoxify myself, learn as much as I can, then inform through my website and blog and be available to those who want it. Otherwise it's just a waste of energy trying to convince someone of something they're not ready to see yet. But I am deeply concerned about my family and loved ones who mostly have toxic diets like I used to. Especially the little ones. I see their eyes and they look depleted already. I hope to get all of my family, even my extended family in the midwest, yeah I'm talking to you! on a NB program eventually, I'll just have to plant the seeds slowly over time.

I had my first 9oz carrot juice since I've been on the Nutritional Balancing program and wowzers! did it rev up my vibration. I even had trouble getting to sleep I was so energized from drinking it, that was around 2pm. It even tasted better than I remember. I'm definitely going to get a juicer as soon as I can afford it and I hope to replace my morning tea ritual with carrot juice soon.

My 1st Detox Symptom and an Inspirational Testimony from a Former Sugar Addict

It's been 2 weeks since I've been on the Nutritional Balancing diet for my Adrenal Fatigue, and 1 week on the supplements and I'm feeling great. **I'm continuing the coffee enemas with the energy meditation ever other day.** They aren't making me super energized like the first one, I'm only doing 1 at a time and I just feel cleared out afterwords. The 4 lows program I'm on is designed so it puts the adrenal's to rest, in order to do that I'm taking a high dose of Ca/Mg. It's starting to kick in and although I'm waking up spritely early in the morning (6am) I'm slowing down around midday and taking hour naps. I'm also falling asleep at night around 930 or 10. This morning I feel a little tired. (on a side note, Saturn is Squaring my Moon exact today so I'm not surprised)

A few days ago I had so much energy I got a little worried because my whole body was vibrating. My practitioner said that my body wasn't used to getting that many nutrients and it would adjust back soon, and it has. Also 2 days ago I had insatiable hunger all day, I stuck with the diet mostly until the evening, when I broke down and made some Pamela's GF pancakes with sugar free syrup. And I ate 2 big ones and they were delicious, but I was still hungry! So I had another one. It's been more difficult to stick with the diet the last few days. I'm generally not craving veggies but as soon as I start eating them, with butter and garlic powder and salt, they taste delicious and I'm happy to finish my plate. I plan on finding some new variety in the way I prepare my food to keep it interesting. And I'll be sharing my recipes on my blog.

My first detox symptom is a welcome sign. Besides some diarrhea from my body not being used to so many veggies, I've had muscle soreness at the top of my legs in the hip flexor area for a few days. I looked it up and in this area of the body there are a concentrated amount of lymph nodes where the toxins gather. (see diagram above) They're called Inguinal Lymph Nodes. It's a common symptom of detox to get soreness in the legs. I've been massaging this area, stretching, and taking walks to keep the flow moving. Today the discomfort seems to have decreased. I'm glad to get a sign that my body is detoxing. It's making me want to build my near infrared sauna ASAP so I can have another way of getting rid of the toxins besides the enemas. Apparently, my whole posture is going to be shifting overtime as my muscles, ligaments and bones detox. Exciting.

Nutritional Balancing has already changed my life so much I'm going to study to become a practitioner so I can help others regain their health and vitality. My brain is functioning much more clearly and quickly since I've started the program. I'm already learning so much about health and very eager to learn more. Previously, I would've gotten easily overwhelmed and tired by taking in so much information and probably given up, but now I know I'll have the energy and focus to accomplish my goals. I have to read 3 books and take 3 tests to get my diploma. Then I plan on doing the Advanced Training where I work with an experienced coach on reading hair test results. One step at a time though. I have to remind myself, "Man man lai, little grasshopper." (chinese for go slowly) I applied and sent in the fee a couple days ago, the books are on their way. Whohoo!

Here's an inspiring testimonial from Elisabeth's Nutritional Balancing website.  I haven't talked with her yet, but I think I want her to be my advanced training coach cause I like her vibe.

"I am 38 and have been on a nutritional balancing program for about 2 years.  I feel better now than I have my whole life!  I am free of the anxiety, nervousness, fear, doubt and low-self esteem that used to be right under the surface.  This is such a gift.

Even better, I am free from the need to constantly eat sugar.  I used to" have to have it".  I would eat bags of hard candy, candy bars, chocolate and drink tons of caffeine and my cravings were so intense.  Nothing could stop me from eating sugar.

I was like a heroine addict.  I would lie, steal and sneak around to be able to eat more sugar...it was crazy. Now that is like a dream.  It seems so unreal I was ever like that, yet it was less than a year ago!

I also have good energy, and I feel clear and calm most of the time.  When emotional stuff comes up I can sit in my sauna, do a coffee enema, do the meditation by Roy Masters - and I'm back to clarity.
Thank-you...thank-you...thank-you!"
~Elizabeth, Wyoming

Thanks for following my blog and have a beautiful day!

**Frequent Coffee enemas aren't recommended unless you're on a nutritional balancing program because they can leech important minerals from your body. 

Adventures in Coffee Enemas and Downward Moving Energy

In my enthusiasm for my enema bag finally arriving in the mail yesterday, I gleefully came home and began a coffee brew to get the party started. Mind you, at that point it was about 3:00pm and I was feeling really good, my energy was a 7 and mood also a 7. This was just from the diet and supplements. The supplements I started the day before and they were already improving my energy and mood. At that point I did have a slight headache and I felt my energy slightly dropping.

The first Coffee Enema went well. I've only done 1 colonic and 1 enema in my whole life so I was worried due to my inexperience that I wouldn't have control of my ole sphincter muscle and would accidentally leak. I was equipped with towels under me to catch any accidental spillage. Once it was in me, except for a few rumbles here and there, I didn't even know anything had gone in. I was able to hold it in no problem and after 15 min went to the toilet to expel it and a lot of stuff came out. Then about 5 min later I felt a rumble and went to the toilet and more stuff came out. And 5 minutes later the same thing again. After that first one I felt pretty good, couldn't tell that much of a difference. Small headache was still there. So I decided to do another one. I read that doing 2 back to back was very powerful. Now that I've done them I wouldn't' recommend 2 back to back on the first time.

For both enemas, during the 15 min wait period, I listened to Gayatri Mantra and practiced the Meditation recommended by Dr. LR Wilson. It's a focused meditation which brings energy down into the body from the head. Dr. Wilson suggests that everyone is desperately in need of grounding and I would have to agree with him. This has been an interesting topic for me to explore given that I have been practicing Kundalini yoga for the past 2 years which is focused on bringing the energy up the spine.

The 2nd round of the coffee enema with meditation was the most powerful. In order to get the energy to flow, I used a memory I have from when I lived in Taiwan in 2000. There was this incredible hot springs my friends and I went to at the famous Taroko Gorge. I also took my Dad there one time and that's my favorite memory with him. Riding motorcycles with my friends up through the windy roads overlooking the steep cliffs of the gorge is one of the most thrilling things I've ever done. About a 2 hours ride in, there are some hot springs people can hike down to. The actual pool is in a cave near the river and the hot spring leaks out in small streams from that pool. At the edge of the river I would find the perfect spot to lay in where the hot and cold water merged and my body was perfectly supported so I could relax. Fully submerged except for my face, I was nestled in between a few rocks near my head and some at my feet so I wouldn't get washed down stream. There I could look up at the spectacularly shaped walls of the gorge, breathe and listen to the wild river roar. It was the greatest feeling ever!

While laid out on some towels just outside my bathroom door, the memory of the gorge came to me and I began to imagine the river flowing into my head. As I focused more and more on this feeling and pictured myself as an empty vessel being filled up with this loving energy, my body began to slightly throb in gentle waves. After some more time passed, my lower chakras and my feet began to tingle. And soon the whole front side of my body was tingling and I could literally feel energy flowing down to my feet. I couldn't believe how powerful it was.

So the mysterious part is, when I got up to expel the 2nd round of coffee, nothing came out. And now it's the morning and nothing has come out still. I read that this is not dangerous and it just means my body was dehydrated. But I'm still kind of holding out for some action down there. Doesn't seem right that all of it got absorbed.

I definitely feel like I overdid it because I got a caffeine buzz and couldn't sleep until 2 in the morning. However my headache was definitely gone and my mind was focused and clear. I should've used less coffee on the 2nd round. It wasn't a jittery buzz though, it was just nice clean energy. I felt really incredible, but almost like I was high which I'm trying to stay away from. My goal is to get back to as pure energy as possible, allowing my natural energy patterns to move me. It's supposed to have a lot of healing benefits and I do feel it's necessary as a tool to expel toxic heavy metals so I'll still do them, just with only a tablespoon of coffee and maybe just every other day. Unless I'm feeling really toxic and tired, then maybe I'll go for 2 again.

I did get a lot done last night and woke up feeling good today, headache still non existent. It is hard for me to understand how the caffeine wouldn't be harmful to my adrenals if it's harmful when I drink it. Dr. Wilson and many of the practitioners have been doing and prescribing coffee enemas for 33 years and swear by the science behind it. I'm going to be doing more research on this topic because the last thing I want to do is cause more damage to my delicate adrenals. I'm super excited about the meditation and will continue to work with this energy.

Thanks for joining me on my adventure. If you have any comments about the coffee enemas, feel free to share your thoughts.

Sat Nam!

First 7 Days on the Diet and the Astrology of My New Chapter

I started the Nutritional Balancing diet on 08/27/14. Today is day 7 and my supplements and enema bag should be arriving today in the mail. I can't wait to get started. I haven't been completely diligent with the diet as I've been drinking 1 cup of Earl Grey with half and half and a 1/2 teaspoon of coconut sugar in the morning and bowl of Gluten Free Peanut Butter Puffs in the evening with Almond Milk. Other than that I'm eating the diet as outlined in the fast oxidizer protocol. My snack has been 6 or 7 rice crackers with 4 oz of Raw Goat Cheese. I'm going to buy some roasted Pecan or Cashew butter to add in as a snack too. It's expensive but it will probably last me awhile. Eventually as I detox and feel more natural energy, I'm assuming I won't even want the sugar and caffeine.

So far, the only day I haven't woken up tired with a slight headache has been yesterday. My average Energy rating is a 5 (on a scale of 1-10) and my Mood rating was a 5. Except yesterday I rated both 6/7 because I felt slightly energized all day and was in a positive mood. Today I woke up with the headache again, I think it's from the sugar but not sure.

I'm studying astrology and am still only a novice but I'd like to try to explain what's going on in the sky regarding this new chapter in my life. First of all there's Jupiter in my 1st house, which means I'm entering a whole new 12 year cycle. The last time Jupiter was in my 1st house, I switched careers and decided to become a T.V. editor.  I moved to LA for an editing tech school that I took a $20k private loan out to go to, on top of my undergrad loans. It ended up being a risk that paid off as I landed a job as a Transcriber within 6 of moving there on a show called "The Next American Princess". I caught on quick and climbed the ladder from assistant editor to junior editor to editor within 3 years. It was an exciting time, especially in the first couple years, I was an eager beaver working hard and enthusiastically soaking up the new skills and knowledge. I even worked for free editing a pilot while having a night job. The candle was definitely was burning at both ends, I was hyped up on coffee during the day, smoking pot and drinking wine at night, and for a short time taking diet pills that acted like speed. No wonder I burned my adrenals out! I happened to be journaling at the time and I noted the day I decided to go to school. It was on October 24th, 2002 when I turned 25. Jupiter was at 15° Leo, exactly conjunct my Ascendant. So interesting! It's no wonder I'm changing directions right now. Jupiter will be exactly conjunct my ascendent again on September 30th this month. I'm curious to see what will happen this time. This time around, whatever I choose to pursue I feel much more grounded and I know to pace myself so I don't burn myself out like I did before. Shortly after that cycle began, I entered my Saturn Sade Sati, the 7 year cycle when Saturn passes over the Natal Moon. Saturn and Pluto's movement have kicked my ass a thousand times, teaching me to slow down, go within, learn to connect with spirit and take care of my body. I now know that it doesn't matter how much money I'm making, how successful I am in my career, how great my relationships are, where I am in the world, if I'm not stabilized and moving from the still ground of being, I won't be fulfilled. From that crucial foundational place, I'm rebuilding my energy reserves to be able to move out into the world and be of service.

I'm looking forward to starting the Meditation that Dr. Wilson recommends while I do my first coffee enema. He is all about moving energy downwards. This is contrary to what I've been doing in Kundalini. I'm going to keep doing Kundalini but will now circle the energy back down the front of my body after I bring it up the spine to the third eye. His concept makes sense to me. I'll write more about this later as I try it. I think it's a very interesting concept. Because my Sun is debilitated in Libra, it's been really difficult to "hear" guidance and connect with my inner authority. I wanted to be pinned down by spirit and sent clear messages like some people are, but so far this hasn't happened. Although I'm many times more intuitive than I've ever been, I've still got a lot of clearing to do and know that as I heal more this intuition will only get stronger.

Saturn and Mars are also currently transiting through Scorpio in my 4th house of inner contentment and well being, the mother, home, family, and vehicles. They are squaring my moon in my first house. The Moon represents our ego identity and our mindset, 1st house is all about the life path and the body. There's a fierceness in me about my health and wellbeing that I didn't have before. I'm definitely feeling identified with the idea of radiant health as my life path. Mars is the warrior planet and Saturn is the planet of discipline and detachment. Mars is giving me passion to initiate this program to get healthy and Saturn is giving me the discipline to stick with it. I'm also letting go of my ideas around food and what "good" food is. Even in just 7 days, I'm starting to really enjoy the simplicity of a bowl of broccoli lightly salted and buttered with a chicken thigh. I used to get overwhelmed with the idea of cooking for myself and others because I thought it had to be so diverse and fancy so I would eat out more than cook. I would eat a lot of burritos, sandwiches, carbs, some veggies but not much. This new concept of simplicity is making it easier to feed myself and it feels good. Pluto has been transiting for the last few years through my 6th house of daily routines and health, working on me at a deep psychological level about my ideas of health and making me question my daily routines. Pluto is squaring my Sun in the 3rd house. The Sun represents authority figures and Pluto is the planet of transformation. I think this tension has to do with why I'm not willing to accept the current mainstream authority on the subject of health. Frankly I'm absolutely appalled and outraged that Western Medicine is so incompetent and out of touch with how to heal the human being. I'm feeling inspired to be a part of the change towards a more holistic bottoms up approach to health instead of the outdated and dysfunctional symptoms approach that most doctors are utilizing. There are so many sick, tired and unhappy people in the world and it's all because we are being lead by sick, tired and unhappy people. The whole system is transforming and I am drawn to the genius revolutionary minds of people who have real solutions like Dr. Lawrence Wilson.

This is my astrology chart.

Okay time for breaky. Sat Nam peeps!