Letting go of Bad Habits and Making Drastic Changes

A few nights ago I dreamt that someone was trying to slit my throat. I was on a date with a guy from my past who was wasted and wanted to make out with me in the car. When I didn't want to make out with him, he took out a razor and tried to cut my throat. I ran from the car and escaped.

Yes, violent dreams can be a detox symptom of being on a Nutritional Balancing program. But a friend inspired me to look a little deeper and I'm glad I did. The dream interpretation of getting killed in a dream says; "The dream of being killed refers to drastic changes you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of, a habit that you want to end within yourself. Alternatively, the dream represents feelings of being let down, feeling overwhelmed, shocked and disappointed."

Yes, I'm feeling overwhelmingly let down by our government, medical system and the general malaise of the population around what's considered normal eating habits. I'm trying to kill the habit of going with the grain, the conditioned mentality that says "oh don't worry, one donut/bagel/burger/candy bar/etc won't kill you" or "just relax, loosen up, have a beer." Well that's the mentality that got me to adrenal burnout and depression in the first place. This way of thinking is so pervasive, so sticky in the collective consciousness and that's exactly how our corrupted government wants it. They want to keep making money by keeping people sick, fat and medicated. Is it a secret anymore? They've got most of the population right where they want them; easily entertained, addicted to crap, numbed with anti depressants, distracted by trying to make enough money to survive, exhausted and getting sicker by the day.

I'm killing the habit of tolerating any BS in my life. The sweet complacent yes girl I used to be is dying. The warrior of light is waking up in her place. The substances and people who used to bring me comfort yet kept me stuck in a downward spiral no longer have the grip on me that they used to. And I'm empowered to keep going on this Nutritional Balancing path by the new energy I have. I'm coming alive, connecting more with my body and my values and becoming passionate about life again. Dreams and goals (besides getting healthy) actually feel graspable for the first time in forever. Just a year ago, my self esteem and energy was so low that I thought I'd never be able to accomplish anything. Well finally that phase is over.

For many years, I was stuck in the Maia, the illusion that I was separate from everything and everyone, and that what I did or didn't do really didn't make a difference. It was a deep, dark existential hole that I chose to dive into and explore. On top of that I was addicted to crap and my brain fog became so heavy at times I didn't really care about anything besides getting high and getting through the day. Guilt, shame, anger, addiction, and low self esteem clouded my view. I thought everyone was mad at me and was extremely judgmental of others. I didn't think I had anything to offer the world. Clawing my way out of that miserable hole took many years.

Now I see that one of the main reasons I had such a hard time escaping this mental state was because I was severely nutritionally depleted. I sense this is the case for many people these days who are living like zombies, lacking any real joy in their life. Many are just stuck in the familiar loop; work, consume, get entertained, numb out the pain, and do it again. Many don't have the energy to care or the awareness to know there is another way. There's an incredible fear permeating the air.

Well I'm not stuck anymore and now that I'm out of the mud, I see that my thoughts, actions, and words actually do impact the world around me and I know I can make that impact a positive one. I will shake people out of their haze, or perhaps I won't, either way is perfect.

The truth is that ultimately everything and everyone is perfectly right on track. The world is unfolding exactly as it should be. There is an unshakable peace in this ground of knowing that all is well. And at the same time on a relative level, this moment in this human form is as real as it gets. We can't escape ourselves, no matter how hard we try. Our perception of this moment is influenced by what we consume and what we consume in turn influences what kind of frequency we put out. That frequency can be one of love or it can be one of fear. The fear in me is dying and now my choice is clear, I'm choosing to trust and vibrate love.

This body and mind are a treasure, and if we treat it as such, we can uncover and explore it's true gifts. It's not an easy road to be a warrior of light, to free ourselves from our addictions and attachments. However, when we choose the path of light and fight for it despite all odds, we begin to connect with the subtle and innate beauty of life, we begin to shine the light of God/Spirit. This connection cultivates an inner joy that can't be taken away by any circumstance or person. And that joy is really all you need.

Personally I choose to fight against the malaise but treating my body with love. I'm interested in revealing my potential, living an incredible life, feeling great naturally and hopefully by writing about it I'm inspiring others to do the same. The journey to radiant health won't be an easy one, but I think it will be well worth it.

(P.S. This is what Mars in Sagittarius in my 5th house sounds like.)